Is Using AI "Cheating" at Writing? AITA Story That Hits a Nerve for Writers
A husband (31) gets inspired by his wife (29), who's been grinding on a dark romance novel for five years. He starts a fantasy book, hits 30k words fast, and uses AI to brainstorm, keep continuity, and stress-test themes.
His wife feels gutted. Writing was her one thing. Seeing him move quickly with a tool she views as a shortcut makes her want to throw out her draft.
He asks: am I wrong for using AI? She says yes. He says it's just a tool.
What's actually going on
- Identity collision: For many writers, the work is tied to self-worth. Seeing someone "catch up" fast feels like your craft is being devalued.
- Process mismatch: One builds everything from scratch. The other leans on AI to accelerate. Both are valid workflows, but they signal different values.
- Progress optics: Speed looks like superiority, even if the drafts aren't comparable. That hurts motivation.
- Ethics anxiety: Many AI systems were trained on books without permission. Writers have a reason to feel uneasy about "assistance" built on unlicensed work.
So… is using AI cheating?
It depends on what you're outsourcing. Brainstorming prompts? Fine. Outsourcing prose and voice? Most writers would call that a line crossed.
There's also the credit issue. If a tool spits out chunks of text, do you still own the craft? For readers and editors, your voice, taste, and judgment are the asset-not the speed.
If you publish, be aware that works containing AI-generated material have specific rules and limits on protection. See guidance from the U.S. Copyright Office. And for concerns about training data and author rights, the Authors Guild has addressed this directly.
Practical ground rules for couples who write
- Define "your thing." Is it the genre, the routine, or the identity? Name it. Protect it.
- Agree on AI boundaries. What's acceptable: idea lists, beat maps, continuity checks? What's not: generated narrative, style mimicry, full scenes?
- Separate process spaces. Different desks, apps, or hours. Reduce comparison friction.
- Stagger feedback. Don't critique each other mid-draft. Set dates. Protect momentum.
- No scoreboard. Word count, not quality, is a bad metric for worth. Don't flaunt speed.
- Support the long game. Celebrate pages revised, not just words produced. Respect slow craft.
How to use AI without hollowing out your craft
- Questions, not sentences: Ask for constraints, checklists, edge cases. Don't copy output.
- Rewrite everything. Use AI to surface angles. You do the prose. Keep your voice intact.
- Timebox the tool. 15-20 minutes of ideation, then close it. Write in peace.
- Mark assisted sections. Track what you touched with AI. On revision, replace it with your own language.
- Don't paste your partner's work into a model. Consent matters. So does confidentiality.
- Keep a "manual day." One session a week with no tools. Train the muscle.
If you're the spouse using AI
- Acknowledge the impact. You didn't mean to step on her identity, but you did. Say it.
- Dial down the optics. Stop sharing word counts. Keep your progress private for now.
- Offer respect, not fixes. Don't push your tools on her. Ask how she wants to be supported.
- Hold your ego. Fast draft ≠ better book. Let your work prove itself after revision.
A simple decision filter
- Would I put my name on this if every sentence had to stand in a room of peers? If no, you outsourced too much.
- Does this use of AI make me a better writer in five years? If no, it's a shortcut that taxes your future self.
Bottom line
Writing is craft and identity. AI is a tool that can help or hollow, depending on what you hand over to it. Use it with intention. Respect boundaries at home. Protect your voice on the page.
If you want to sharpen prompts and keep your voice intact, these resources can help: Prompt engineering basics for writers.
Your membership also unlocks:
